True North

There will come a time
I know I’m gonna need
Someone I can trust, someone who’ll fight for me
That’s the way I love

This is my time to work things out
What I want from this life
There will be someone out there for me
That’s the way I love

It doesn’t really matter who ever you are
Don’t matter where you go
Just make sure you’re there to answer when love comes around
Don’t be surprised when love knocks at your door

You’re the breath that I take
You’re the smile on my face
Every time I breath in
Brings me warmth from within
When you touch me I start believing
Loving is like oxygen

Even when we’re so far apart
I still feel you in my heart
Cos you’ve given me the greatest gift of all
That’s the way I love

The way I love is easy, but could it ever be for me?
This situation seems so insane
It’s all about feeling without insecurities
That’s the way I love

It doesn’t really matter who ever you are
Don’t matter where you go
Just make sure you’re there to answer when love comes around
Don’t be surprised when love knocks at your door

You’re the breath that I take
You’re the smile on my face
Every time I breath in
Brings me warmth from within
When you touch me I start believing
Loving is like oxygen
(You’re in every breath I take)

Imagine a life without love
I’d be so afraid (so afraid)
Cos the love that we share
Would be hard to replace
Baby hold me and never leave me
This love is my oxygen
(This love is my oxygen)

Open your heart
Take a deep breath
Stop searching and start believing
Make sure you’re there to answer when love comes around
Don’t be surprised when true love knocks at your door

You’re the breath that I take
You’re the smile on my face
Every time I breath in
Brings me warmth from within
When you touch me (I start believing)
Loving is like oxygen
(You’re in every breath I take)

Imagine a life without love
I’d be so afraid
Cos the love that we share
Would be hard to replace
Baby hold me and never leave me
This love is my oxygen
This love is my oxygen

……………………………………………………………………

What can I say?  I love this song!  This is my favorite song.  It is not just a lyrics, it gives us another chance to believe and fight for something in which one really deserves it.    =)

Everyone has their own greatest fear and mine is to lose someone I met 5 years ago.  I love him more than I love myself!  I know that it’s not right to love someone more than you love yourself, but I let it happen.

I’ve told you this many times, and I’m not going to stop telling you these three lovely words: “I love you”

Without you my love, I may not be able to know myself.  I am a strong person today because you thought me how to be.  And in the darkest hours of our relationship, still, we manage to stay with each others arm.

You are not just my love, not only my boyfriend but a bestfriend that will always be there for me.

And in God’s Will, I wish that someday, somehow, when I open my eyes again, everything will be in place.  Everything will be accepted by everyone who knew about us, our love that is true and unconditional.

December 14,1973

Sa minamahal kong manlalaro,

Gusto kong malaman mo na hanggang ngayon ay nailalarawan ko pa rin sa aking isipan ang panahon na una kitang nakita.  Sa mga sandaling iyon, isa lang ang panalangin ng musmos na kagaya ko at iyon ay ang makilala ka.  Nagpapasalamat ako at dininig ang aking panalangin na ika’y makilala at makasama kahit sa loob lamang ng dalawang linggo.

Pilit kong iniisip kung ano ang meron sa’yo at hindi ko maiwasang tumingin ng napakatagal sa iyong maamong mukha.  Inaamin ko na kaligayahan ang makita ka noon araw-araw.  Hinihiling na hindi matapos ang araw na tayo’y magkasama.  Sa bawat araw na lumilipas, hindi ko alam kung ano ba talaga ang nararamdaman ko.  Kinakabahan ako, ngunit alam ko rin na masaya ako.  Dahil dito, hinayaan ko na mapalapit ako sa’yo kahit alam kong napaka imposibleng mangyari ang ninanais ng puso ko.  Sa bawat mensahe mong pinapadala, nararamdaman ko na may pag-asa na maging tayong dalawa, na kahit paano ay gusto mo rin ako.  Naisip ko naman na sobra na ata akong nag i-ilusyon, pero alam ko sa sarili ko kung ano ang tunay kong nararamdaman para sa’yo.

Dumating ang oras na kailangan ko ng umuwi sa amin.  Kailangan ko ng bumalik sa dati kong buhay.  Mahirap para sa akin ang tanggapin ang posibilidad na hindi na kita makikitang muli.  Ngunit binigyan mo ako ng pag-asa sa pamamagitan ng mga mensahe mong nagpapahiwatig na darating ang araw na magkikita ulit tayo, at makakasama kita.

Halos dalawang taon tayong hindi nagkita.  Pananabik sa’yo ang bukod tanging naramdaman ko ng malaman ko na nandoon ka pa rin sa dati mong trabaho.  Sobrang sabik kang makita lalo na noong nakatanggap ulit ako ng mensahe galing sa’yo pagkatapos ng halos dalawang taong paghihintay sa muling pagkikita natin.

Na aalala mo pa ba, buwan ng Oktubre noong sinagot kita.  Pinapasok kita sa buhay ko dahil alam ko sarili ko na ikaw ang hinihintay ko.  Ikaw na makakapag paligaya sa akin.  Ikaw na alam kong hinding-hindi ako iiwan kahit ano man ang mangyari.  At napatunayan ko na yan!  Pinatunayan mo yan sa akin!

Labis-labis ang pasasalamat ko sa pagmamalasakit mo sa akin.  Salamat sa pagmamahal mo!

Alam mong Minahal kita! Mahal na Mahal kita! At Mamahalin kita buong buhay ko!

Nagmamahal,

Gabriella

Pag-ibig: 1973

Its been almost 1 month since the day you were gone.  Everyday, I’m calling on my inner strength to fight the feeling of severe depression I am into.  Whenever I walk around the city, I wish to see you there and be able to talk about what happen, about us.  For once, I thought that you were worth fighting for but 1 month ago, you proved it to me that I was wrong.

Sometimes, I am wondering if ever I didn’t leave, are we still be ok?  Maybe, just maybe, we are still enjoying each other’s company.

As I lie down on my bed, sometimes, I find myself crying.  Tears are falling, they are falling because of what I really feel for you.  How I wish, I can tell you right now how much I care for you, how much I miss you, and most of all, how much I love you from the bottom of my hypothalamus down to the bottom of my heart.

I always go crazy whenever I think of you and realize that I miss you.  I miss your hug, your kiss.  But what I miss most is the way you look at me and until now whenever I close my eyes, I can still picture that.  It reminds me that what we had were so true.

On the other hand, leaving me without saying goodbye helps me to realize something more important.  That is being miles apart not hating each other, but still manage to cherish the moments we had before.

It is hard for me to accept that you are gone without saying goodbye, without saying even a single word coming from you.  If only I can show you every single moment of your life how you are breaking me right now, how I wish I could.

If only I could travel back in time when I was about to leave, then I will choose not to have my affiliation just to have you near me, just to have you forever.  But I think that’s not what God wants for the both of us.

Saying goodbye without you here infront of me is a really hard thing to do.  So, I’m not going to say goodbye but instead wait for you to tell me those answers that I wish I will be able to know someday.  Someday, when the time is right.

I’m praying to God that He will help find those answers.  I hope that it will not be too late when He’s ready to give those answers.

(I’m not sure)

I was lying on my bed, when suddenly I found myself crying.  Then, I removed my bracelet and held it tightly in my hand.

“I miss you so much Eigenn”

That was all I can say and that was the reason why I felt so sad that time.  Yes, I know that I do really miss him, but I was shocked when I realized that I miss him more than my heart could ever miss someone.

Yes, I love him! But… It is not the issue here.  Too late for something special… Too wrong to give it a chance…

……………………………………….

I am happy whenever I’m with him.  Having dinner at the beach, grab a siomai after dinner, sneaking in the middle of the night just to go around the city, those are some things that I will surely miss!

I can’t believe that he’s getting married soon!  That hurts me a lot!  Haiz!

I thank him for being there for me everytime I need someone to talk to.  Listening to me until 3 o’clock in the morning.  Sleep with me whenever I miss him and I want to be wrapped around his arms…  Thanks for Loving me…

…………………………………………….

And now that he will soon be signing off, I just have to wear my mask again.

…almost everything reminds me of you…

People say that there’s nothing permanent in this world but CHANGE.

I’ve been a naughty girl for a long time.  Doing things that normal people didn’t do makes my family, friends, and my love go crazy!  As I try to remember my naughty deeds, I realized that I went beyond the borderline.  I shouldn’t do those things, but so sad to say, I’ve already did and there’s nothing I can do to turn back time and make everything right.

I don’t know when was that, but time came and I realized I’ve been addicted to this thing, and I don’t know how to get away from it.  It is not a healthy habit nor not a healthy behavior.  “What should I do? How can I stop this?”, these two questions is running around inside my mind, trying to come up with the best answers.  Luckily, I’m ready to change everything for the better.

Now, my naughty evil deeds must come to its end!  This is the right time to change everything.  This is also the right time for me to love myself a little bit more.

In a short period of time, ANGELS WILL HUG ME FOREVER; DEMONS WILL HATE ME BECAUSE I’M TURNING OVER A NEW LEAF FOR THE BETTER.

To people who knew who I really am, what I did, about my naughty deeds, wait for the day that I will proudly tell you guys these words to you: ” DON’T BE SURPRISE, JUST CALL IT MY NEW LEAF!”

When April 19, 2009 (12 midnight) came, I was still at Ledge Bar sitting, with one San Miguel Light beer in front of me.  Half of me wanted to go home, but the other half said “Stay! Enjoy Life!”.  After a few more minutes, the party begun and we (my classmates and our prof) stood up, go straight to the stand floor and did enjoy the party.  Because the party had just begun, we ordered another bucket of beer and tried to catch our breath as we sat on the chair after the first party.

We did enjoy the freedom we’ve got that morning and went home at around 4 o’clock in the morning.

When we were home, at last, I went straight to my bed and sleep. I slept from 4:30 in the morning up to 5:30 in the morning.  Hehehehe.  Obviously, I only had 1 hour of sleep.  So, I got up from bed and took my towel and toiletries and went straight to bathroom.  After, I put on my clothes and packed my things.  Then, Presto!  I went to bus station.  At 7:30 AM, I was on my way to Manila.

It was already 10 AM when I arrived at my bestfriend’s house.  I took a rest and had my lunch at her house.  During lunch time, we’ve (my love, my bestfriend and I) decided to meet at Megamall.

I had my second lunch at the foodcourt of Megamall.  While we (Juls and I) were having our lunch, my bestfriend, Lorenz, was patiently, waiting for his boyfriend to come.  Hahahahaha.  While waiting for Marse to come, I bought 2 cans of beer for Julius.  ( The beer was too expensive. TSK!)

When Mr. VIP came, we parted and did mind our own business.  (huhu… )

“PATCHED”

Well, it is about me and Juls.  The remaining hours left were meaningfully spent.  At the end, we both realized that whatever happens, we’re still together, fighting for the future.  FOR OUR FUTURE!

……………………………………………………………

I went back to Batangas and got home at around 11 PM, same day, from Manila.

” Mga tagpong tila nagpapaka-weird, kunyari pa-deep, sarap sapakin”

:Edition 2 “KoMiX”:

I’m having a boring day!  Haiz, I don’t know what to do and don’t have any idea of what to do for 1 week.  “KATAMZ” is with me and it makes my life so boring than I ever imagined to be before I went home.

“KATAMZ” to clean my room, to read books, to watch tv, to surt the net, to eat, to txt my friends, to go out with my classmates, etc.  It’s all because I’m in pain right now.  Thinking of what’s the best thing I can do (like a therapy for myself), I ended up reading this book “KoMiX”(not the real title of the book), and I found myself laughing because of the scenes that the author made for the readers to love this book.  Instead of watching comedy movies, sometimes it’s better to sit down and read something like “KoMiX”.

I realized that there are so many ways / things to cheer you up in times of difficulties.  Things that will not make you happy as you want it to be but will serve as an instrument to help you find your way to be completely HAPPY IN LIFE.

(KMK ni M.A.)

Honestly, I don’t know what to say right now.  My mind is full of things that I don’t even want to think about.  But, I’m kinda happy right now because I’ll be leaving on Sunday and be back 3 weeks after my duty. I wish that it will help me rest my mind for a while, eventhough I’ll be experiencing a long hours of duty at the hospital.

I know I need space for me to change myself into something I should be.  I wish that my 3 weeks stay in Manila will help me find myself a little bit more, and become more mature enough for him.  At the same time, to learn on how will I embrace the course I’m taking right now.  There’s no turning back so, I should probably accept the reality as it is and do the best I can.

……………………………………………………………………………..

I am lost and now, I’m going to find my way back.

Wish me luck!  =)